The Middle

Currently, I’m in the middle of a crisis, one that I never asked for, did nothing to invite, had no part in creating, and do not deserve. It’s costing money (some which will never be recovered), and causing inconvenience. It’s opened floodgates of emotions I didn’t know I had. It’s added physical pain that exposes my age. It’s isolated me from my home and possessions. And it’s thrown my daily life into uncertainty and unwanted stress.

I know I’m not the only person to ever experience this kind of crisis. I empathize with those, whose lives were suddenly thrown into chaos they didn’t invite. My imagination is highly engaged for people who’ve lived through natural disasters. Ours is minor in comparison to the total devastation of a major hurricane. So I ask myself now,

How should I live this out? What should it look like?

In the past when I’ve had to face unimaginable circumstances (some far less scary or disruptive), my initial reaction was to panic and fall apart. I was good at that. I called friends and family, cried and shouted and sent the household into turmoil. Eventually I gathered my resources, found a way through and put the pieces back in place. All would be fine until the next crisis hit.

With this crisis I haven’t panicked. And I’m not really putting any pieces together, but rather making the best of things until I can be in a more normal home…if an RV can be considered normal. This time, my emotions have felt all the things that a healthy-ish person feels. The absence of panic has allowed that. And ultimately, I’ve been able to trust that God will work out the details while I process my emotions. It’s also reminded me that,

I will never finish learning to trust Him.

I had a mindset that once a crisis passed, life would be good again. It was an exception to the norm. Life is suppose to have a rosy glow, be wonderful, loving and happy. Anything terrible could be overcome with freshly baked cookies.

Pollyanna anyone?

Life is simply hard at times. It’s normal for people to experience difficulties they aren’t prepared for. I came to that realization many years ago. A husband in crisis, a car accident, a tenant eviction, multiple moves, all had the effect of teaching me about trusting God in hard times. I never ask the question “How much worse can it get?” And not to be morbid, but I’ve learned that it can always get worse, but I don’t have to like it!

So much for Pollyanna.

We’re still in the insurance part of our crisis. Negotiating, waiting on details, learning how it works. We have a Tuesday appointment to meet with the bank for the final benefit payout. Then we can start the negotiations for a new RV. By the time we’re back in a wheely house, I estimate it will have been 6 weeks in temp housing. Apparently, for insurance companies, that’s a fast turnaround.

Today we finished storing our possessions in a POD. It’s going to stay on site until someone tells us to move it. They come to take away the RV on Friday. Once we have a new one, we’ll sort out how to get it back to the campground. Maybe have the POD delivered to the dealership, or have the dealership deliver the RV to our site? Or maybe a solution we haven’t learned. It seems to be the way this project is unfolding.

Currently we’re in a furnished apartment in a small town called Daphne AL. It’s a charming town on Mobile Bay. In fact, we’re contemplating making it our winter home. In general, Alabama has far more sunshine, and warmer temps than the Midwest during winter. It’s not as warm as mid-Florida, or Phoenix, but it’s much more affordable and less crowded.

And they have gators!

Thursday, I met the quilters for coffee. It’s a weekly gathering, always a lovely time. Fun and vibrant women, chatting about a passion for their hobby. Showing the things they’ve made and how they do it. Sharing shopping tips, and events that might interest everyone.

Iowa, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, Minnesota, Maryland, Wisconsin, Ohio, Tennessee and even parts of Canada are represented. And they’ve been together for a long time. A yearly group, charity quilt is usually on the agenda. I look forward to catching up with them again next year.

For now, I try to do simple things that create a sense of normal. Make a small meal, do a load of laundry, make the bed. I have a walk in closet that I’ve scrupulously organized. There is even an inch of space between each hanger and color coordination! I’m sure it’s some kind of OCD reaction to loss of control over life, and I’m not going to apologize for it cause it’s soothing.

Unfortunately there is no escaping The Middle. It comes whether I want it to or not. There is no shortcut or a workaround. I hope and pray that I’m managing to navigate it with patience, and a bit of grace. I want to be a valuable example that God is trustworthy.

His abilities are greater than my imagination.